30+ years in the making
chapter one: its me, hi.
While this “new version of me” is finally how I present myself on the internet, it’s always been there, she just needed time to be uncovered. I find myself healing my younger self through loving all the parts of me I thought I hated.
Rewind the tape about 30 years back to some of my very first memories of realizing my identity— I’m a full Japanese-American girl born and raised in Hawai‘i. The grandchild of prisoners of war who suffered in internment camps, and a veteran who fought for my / our freedom. I’m the child of parents who were both raised as Buddhists and grew up deeply dedicated to honoring Japanese values. One from Hilo, one from LA, raising our family on O’ahu.
chapter two: my childhood lens
Growing up in Hawai‘i, you are truly in a big beautiful melting pot of ethnicities & cultures. My parents told me I used to say, “being full Japanese is so boring!” since I much rather preferred to have been Hawaiian or mixed. I wanted to have ehu hair, less slanty eyes, darker skin, less hairy arms, and to not be Buddhist. It didn’t feel cool to be me.
My parents have always instilled the importance of honoring family and learning about our culture which in turn resulted in prioritizing activities like Japanese Language school, Traditional Japanese Dance, Taiko, Church & youth group, and time with family attending events which honored our ancestors like memorial services, Obon, and more. At the time it felt more like a chore and I definitely did not appreciate any of it. I still had yet to learn that everything would eventually hold value.
I told myself that once I had the freedom, I wouldn’t continue any of it, there wasn’t any genuine interest. When it came time for college, I was OUT ✌🏼 Thinking I was a “city girl”, I ran away from all the things that made me, me. No plans to live in Hawai‘i ever again.
chapter three: the great escape
A punk rock sk8er boi loving, mixed with SoCal obsessed Hollister girl moves to Southern California. This was truly my dream come true... I went to school for Graphic Design at Chapman University and was a free bird flying. As I navigated my freedom in this new place and started down my artist path, I found myself feeling a little lost attempting to keep up with the creativity of my peers. Despite my feelings of inadequacy and even being put on “probation” for my mediocre score on a critical art show, I was still so grateful to have had incredible opportunities like my internship at Volcom and traveling for a summer Design course in London.
After graduation I stepped right into a Graphic Design position at a small Social Media Consulting firm in Orange county, where I had quite the experience working for a fiery female Leo. I quit after one year. (& that’s all she wrote… for now.)
This next phase was where I really started my personal journey. Diving deeper into my true self felt scary with no real sense of direction. I was still living in Orange County attempting to freelance by answering to Craigslist ads with a non-existent spark except for knowing I wanted to CREATE. Over time I realized that somehow being away from home made me miss everything about it, while I was lucky enough to visit often, leaving got harder every time. I still felt like an island girl at heart.
chapter four: home is calling…
After a total of 6 years away, I wiped up my tears and moved back with the intention of my stay being temporary. Fresh eyes and newfound perspectives gave me such a humbling lens to look through as I re-explored the place I grew up. Little did I know that with each hike, each sunrise mission, every time I chased the sunset, the feeling each time I jumped in the water, each palm I sat under, every shell & flower I collected… every single moment made me fall deeper in love home. I never really understood why people would always comment about how lucky I was to live in paradise. I finally saw it. And all of it inspired my happiness.
Not only was I inspired by the beauty of the ‘aina (land), the ALOHA that I felt in the smallest interactions from meeting people at art shows and networking events, to reconnecting with old friends and encountering serendipitous moments, these were all signs leading me towards truly unpacking my bags and calling this place home.
I took all of that magic and bottled it into my very first brand, Peace of Paradise, where I took a leap of faith and started putting my art on some of my first products. At one point my decals, mugs & coasters were in all 6 of the T&C locations on O’ahu – which side note, later led me to meet my future husband ♡
chapter five: returning home to me
Moving home had unexpectedly opened several doors with opportunities for me to reconnect with my true self. My very first trip to Japan happened in 2015 with the Young Buddhist International Cultural Exchange, where I had the chance to visit temples, learn more about Buddhism, and experience Japan with other students from around the world. This trip was particularly significant in my journey back to both Buddhism and Japanese culture, 2 things I chose to dismiss in my young adult life.
In becoming re-inspired by this place I am so lucky to call home, I felt indebted to give back to all the things that have provided so much for me throughout my life here in Hawai‘i.
As an artist a big part of my success comes from the immense support I receive from my community. As one of many small businesses here, its become quite evident that we are all connected and I truly believe there is space for all of us. I’m learning to stop comparing myself to others and wishing I was different, and instead have started celebrating me for me and encouraging others to do the same.
From POP to Our Garden Collective to Keri Kubota, it was always me. Thanks for joining in as I rediscover myself and share my story with you. I hope to inspire you along your journey.